One state, two state, red state, blue state - Part 1

One state, two state, red state, blue state. 

Black state, Jew state, old state, new state. 

This one has a little star. 

This one has a little car. 

Say! What a lot of states there are! 

Yes. Some are red. And some are blue. Some are old. And some are new. 

Some are sad. 

And some are glad. 

And some are very, very bad. 

Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know. Go ask your dad. 

Some are thin. And some are fat. 

The fat one has in yellow shat. 

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere. 

Here are some who like to run. 

They run for fun in the hot, hot sun. 

Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! What a lot of funny things go by. 

Some have two feet and some have four. 

Some have six feet and some have more. 

Where do they come from? I can’t say. But I bet that have come a long, long way. 

Say! Look at his fingers! One, two, three… How many fingers do I see? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. He has eleven! 

Eleven! This is something new. I wish I had eleven, too! 

Bump! Bump! Bump! Did you ever ride a Trump? We have a Trump with just one hump. 

But we know a man called Mr. Grump. 

Mr. Grump has a seven hump Trump. 

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.

And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?

And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.

And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.

If any man have an ear, let him hear.

He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints.
 -Revelations 13

So…if you like to go Bump! Bump! just jump on the stump with the Trump and Grump.

(Note: the Seuss story is quite long, and so I've decided to cut it here.)

Part 2

The Real Empty Chair

By now, Clint Eastwood's "Empty Chair" speech has become a legend.

But in searching for "empty chair" images, I came across an interesting sculpture.

It's called "The Empty Chair". Amnesty International commissioned artist Maarten Baas to make this sculpture in honor of Liu Xiaobo, the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate.

It commemorates his absence at the awards ceremony. Neither Liu nor any members of his family were able to attend because he is currently being held by the Chinese government for "incitement to the overthrow of the state power and socialist system and the people’s democratic dictatorship." He is serving an 11 year sentence.

Liu was represented by an empty chair.

The last recipient who went unrepresented was Carl von Ossietsky in 1935. He was unable to attend because he was incarcerated in one of Hitler's concentration camps.

Liu was unable to even present a speech in absentia. 

Instead, Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann recited his "Final Statement", authored in 2009 just prior to the start of his 11-year sentence.

It is an eloquent statement, gracious to the government and the people responsible for his detention. I wonder whether the naming of specific people was deliberate in the attention it focused on certain individuals. But the overall tone is one of personal resignation coupled with quiet confidence in China's ability to evolve into a truly humane and great nation. It is worth reading in its entirety.

Perhaps the most poignant part is when he talks about his wife. Somehow, it reminds me of "Tu Risa", by Pablo Neruda. Even through translation, one can tell he is a poet:

Ask me what has been my most fortunate experience of the past two decades, and I’d say it was gaining the selfless love of my wife, Liu Xia. She cannot be present in the courtroom today, but I still want to tell you, sweetheart, that I’m confident that your love for me will be as always. Over the years, in my non-free life, our love has contained bitterness imposed by the external environment, but is boundless in afterthought. I am sentenced to a visible prison while you are waiting in an invisible one. Your love is sunlight that transcends prison walls and bars, stroking every inch of my skin, warming my every cell, letting me maintain my inner calm, magnanimous and bright, so that every minute in prison is full of meaning. But my love for you is full of guilt and regret, sometimes heavy enough hobble my steps. I am a hard stone in the wilderness, putting up with the pummeling of raging storms, and too cold for anyone to dare touch. But my love is hard, sharp, and can penetrate any obstacles. Even if I am crushed into powder, I will embrace you with the ashes.

Given your love, sweetheart, I would face my forthcoming trial calmly, with no regrets about my choice and looking forward to tomorrow optimistically. I look forward to my country being a land of free expression, where all citizens’ speeches are treated the same; here, different values, ideas, beliefs, political views… both compete with each other and coexist peacefully; here, majority and minority opinions will be given equal guarantees, in particular, political views different from those in power will be fully respected and protected; here, all political views will be spread in the sunlight for the people to choose; all citizens will be able to express their political views without fear, and will never be politically persecuted for voicing dissent; I hope to be the last victim of China’s endless literary inquisition, and that after this no one else will ever be jailed for their speech.

This election season, we are, predictably, intensely focused inward. The election will likely not hinge upon foreign policy, and perhaps it should not. But it would be a tragedy for the idiom of the "empty chair", representing one man's struggle -- one generation's struggle -- for freedoms we take for granted to be defined by twelve minutes of Eastwood on a stage.

Throwing in the towel and trying to believe in God

Couldn't sleep. Tried being angry at certain friends for trying to check me into a mental hospital three months ago (a long story, perhaps worth writing at some point), then tried forgiving. Tried reading and watching comedy. Tried paranoia, and video games, and eating ice cream. The long and short of it is that, at this point, I've decided to throw in the towel. Against the vestiges of what remains of my judgment, and even against part of what remains of my principles, I'm going to try to believe in God. Sorta.

I wish I could say it's because I have faith. I have none. I know enough religious history to see the flaws in basing one's beliefs on a text written two thousand years ago that was definitely a product of its time and place. Probably will have to throw out Leviticus completely, and possibly most of the Old Testament. I'd probably be a Unitarian if I hadn't found the service structure in Ithaca so bizarre.

But I know I've got to believe in something beyond myself. 

No, it's because of exhaustion. Sheer, utter exhaustion about my current life. Mom has worn me down with her mysticism/spiritualism. Besides, too many atheists I know are a bit too self-righteous about their lack of faith.

I think a key difference is that they have a greater sense of control over their own destiny and future than I do. I'm pretty helpless right now; I don't have confidence in my sanity or my ability to do anything non-destructive. Consequently, it doesn't really make a difference to me whether an all-powerful entity is making me experience what in my mind is Job-lite suffering, or if it's a matter of brain chemistry, collapsing wavefunctions, and psychohistory.

Part of it is that I hate the part of myself that placed a barrier between me and a couple of my cousins. Though we have very different views on homosexuality, Biblical literalism, and politics, they've always been there for me in ways others haven't been. They've demonstrated courage and character in their own lives, and been excellent fathers. In case you haven't noticed, father issues are kind of a big deal for me.

I sometimes misinterpreted their kindness as a desire to convert, and not genuine love and affection for their youngest cousin. It's more telling of my own problems trusting people that I took it that way, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lance and Warren, for judging you less on your relationships with me and more by what you called yourselves.

I don't plan on adpoting that anti-gay nonsense. Believe me, I seriously considered "coming out" to my family just to try and trigger some thought. But it's just not in me (pun intended). Besides, I know some great gay guys who have been tremendous emotional supports. One guy lives in Germany, and yet took the time - on his birthday - to write a lengthy, heartfelt note to me, expressing concern about what I've gone through with my dad and my recent life struggles.

And no bullshit socioeconomics couched in religious determinism. Really, from what little I know of Satanism, it is philosophically similar to Objectivism.

But I am cutting back on the politics. Honestly, I'm no good to anyone while I'm struggling with depression, joblessness, and generalized despair.

I've felt that it's a bit selfish and weak to try belief simply because life is going poorly. But I suppose that's me being judgmental. Things are going poorly enough that maybe I don't have the luxury of waiting for genuine faith.

I also wonder whether I would have reached this point had I a better natural support network - more accurately, if I were better able to reach out and make and keep friends I trusted. Church can seen to be a bit lazier in that regard. But so are filters on OkCupid, or anything other than completely random encounters. I'm presently isolated from all pre-fab communities, and the church is one I'm most familiar with. I don't know if, or when, it will translate into attendance - my own shame is a barrier.

Finally, I know that faith isn't at its best when taken a la carte. Will I be forced to swallow Leviticus as the price for embracing the Parable of the Sower? Can I reconcile the sometimes atheistic existentialist nature of Ecclesiastes with the rest of the Bible? These lack of consistencies, either within the Bible or with my own sense of morality, once led me away from belief, and it may do so again.

But I know, as do most of you, that one of my weaknesses is thinking too much about the wrong things, or without resolution. Analysis without action.

I don't know if this very reluctant plod toward belief will stick, or make a difference. But what the hell. It's possibly this or shoot myself, and while some might prefer the latter, I'm a bit too cowardly to attempt that yet.

Economy Booms Thanks to Clint Eastwood's Chair

BY EMA NYMTON

--Omaha, Nebraska


Happy times are here again.

Overnight, the economy has definitively exited recession and unemployment has dropped to levels not seen since the 1990s. Real GDP is predicted to grow by an Eisenhower-era 11% this year. The Dow rallied 600 points yesterday.

And it's all due to a man and a chair.

Clint Eastwood at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. Chair sales have skyrocketed, and Eastwood is now seen as a leading candidate for President.

"Clint Eastwood has saved this country," says Heddy Marshall, manager of the Nebraska Furniture Mart, the largest home furnishing store in the United States. "It's a miracle. Everyone wants Clint's chair. I've hired a thousand people today to help with the backlog, and may hire a thousand more tomorrow."

The chair in question is the Anderson model Featherweight Mark II, the "Grover Cleveland".

Eastwood's speech at the Republican National Convention on Thursday was criticized by many as being confusing, cranky, and inappropriately suggestive of a French existentialist play. But those critics are largely silent today, as the famed Hollywood actor and director has orchestrated what politicians from either party have struggled to do for the last four years.

Some are even trying to draft Eastwood into the presidential race.

"A man with a plan to support your can" bumper stickers, honoring Eastwood's contributions, have been selling like hotcakes. Demand was so strong that the Internet went down briefly, leading to a few tense moments in which the Pentagon believed it was an attack Chinese hackers.

"We almost bombed the shit outta them," Gen. Buck Turgidson, deputy commander of Strategic Air Command, said to reporters early Friday. "Good thing we didn't, because we're gonna need their factories to  build these goddamn chairs."

Not everyone is completely happy about the miraculous recovery in America's fortunes, however.

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney had been campaigning on economic issues. Now facing a strong economy, has been meeting with senior advisers and the leaders of the financial industry. Sources say they are discussing whether a new financial crisis could be created by securitizing chairs.

Thinking about possible reasons for Mitt Romney to not release his tax returns

A thought experiment: imagine you're Mitt Romney. Why might you choose to not release your tax returns prior to 2010?

First, I want to address the matter of principle. I suppose any man, especially a wealthy man, might be loath to release his tax records. They can reveal a great deal about a person - their donations, their assets, the type and manner of income, and the various deductions. It is entirely possible that everything done was legal, and, moreover, ethical.

But it's too simplistic. And as we know from Lance Armstrong's "no contest" position on doping, in the matter of public opinion, one really is guilty until proven innocent. So, again, acknowledging the possibility that there is nothing either legally or morally wrong with any of Romney's tax records, I'm going to speculate on what might be wrong.

As a starting point, consider the time frame involved. Harry Reid, in either a moment of partisan inspiration or particularly psychotic gaffe, claimed that Romney hasn't paid taxes in the last ten years. Further, note that the Obama administration offered a deal to Romney: show us five years of returns, and we'll drop it.

To clarify, I'm assuming that the appropriate time frames are 2001-2011 and 2007-2011, give or take a year, as I'm not clear whether the released 2010 return and 2011 estimated tax are counted.

The five-year time period is particularly intriguing. Whatever happened in 2001-2006, it wasn't nearly as interesting as what happened in 2007-2011. In other words, his income from his time at Bain Capital is not the issue.

So what happened during 2001-2006? A tech bubble burst, and a recovery, accompanied by an even greater bubble in real estate. Though perhaps not relevant, I'll mention that 9/11, the Iraq War, and Katrina fall into this time period.

What happened in 2007-2011? A massive crash and recession brought about by a collapse in the real estate and credit markets, and only the beginnings of a recovery.

But there are other things that occurred during the last five years.

1. California Proposition 8

Prop 8 sought to overturn gay marriage in California. It passed by a pretty narrow margin, and was heavily funded by out-of-state organizations, including conservative religious institutions like the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

2. Repeal of long-term and reduction of short-term capital gains taxes

I remember that, at least for 2008 (and possibly other years), the long-term capital gains tax was eliminated. For example, this means any American taxpayer could sell stock held for at least one year and not pay any taxes on the gain. I know this is true because I took advantage of it myself. The short-term capital gains tax, while not zero, was reduced to 15%.

Could these be relevant?

Perhaps.

Warning: I'm going to engage in tax hypothetical situations

Let's assume Harry Reid isn't ridiculously off-base with his claim. How could this be true? Maybe it could be done if Romney realized massive amounts of short-term losses in 2001-2002, then carried forward those losses to offset short-term gains in the future. (This can be done, if I recall, for three years.) So, depending on how badly Romney's assets took a hit during the tech bubble crash, he could have paid no taxes at all during 2001-2005.

However, he could also have known, as I'm sure many senior Republicans (and Democrats) were aware, that Bush would push through a tax cut that would lead to the abolition of long-term capital gains. And so, being savvy, he might have held stocks from after the tech bubble crash to some point in 2008, hopefully, for his sake, before the financial crisis. He could have realized large gains (60-70% is not unreasonable, given the performance of the S&P500 during that period) and not had to pay any taxes on those gains.

Of course, any ordinary income could continue to be taxed at his rate. And I don't know if short-term capital losses can offset ordinary income; consequently, it's pretty unlikely he paid no taxes whatsoever. (I would be amused, but surprised, if the Romneys had large amounts of heavily subsidized farmland.)

All of this would, of course, be perfectly legal and legitimate, and not have to make use of offshore accounts. Of course, adding that feature, and one could probably pull a tax rate in the single digits. And it would make Romney's son's comment, "He's paid his taxes", true, though perhaps unsatisfying in its completeness.

Finally, there is one other intriguing possibility: Romney shorted the market during the financial crisis. I think this is compelling, in part, because of his connections and financial sophistication. If he had invested with John Paulson, for instance, he would have made a massive amount in 2008. These hypothetical gains probably wouldn't have been tax-free - it'd be pretty impressive for someone to have been short the market for an entire year - but then again hedge funds do strive for tax efficiency.

Of course, this all assumes Romney got the market right. What if he got it wrong? Could it be embarrassing to reveal that he's a lot less rich than people think? that he, like the rest of us, got hoodwinked in 2001, and again in 2008? His advantage over Obama is supposed to be his business/executive experience.

The financial aspects are more compelling than the possibly massive donation to Prop 8. Quite frankly, I doubt being strongly anti-gay would hurt him all that much. As much as my gay friends have griped about Obama, not a single one that I know of will be voting for Romney in November.

All of this is idle speculation, however, and I don't have the energy or inclination to really investigate it. Presumably someone has. But I decided to engage in some thought experiments before I went digging, assuming I ever get around to it.

I deserve an orgy today! (And so do you!)

*Updated 8/23/2012, 12:36 PM
**Updated 8/23/2012, 12:47 PM

At first glance, it appears to be an Civony/Evony ad. (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, read the wiki section on its advertising campaign.)

I was going to post it in the folder “the Internets make me laugh”. But, for purely scholastic reasons, I decided to investigate further. Evidently Wartune is made by R2games, a company based out of Hong Kong specializing in online micropayment games.

This immediately piqued my interest – why, precisely, would a Chinese firm choose the path of appealing to our prurient public performance proclivities?

Perhaps this was a subtle form of Communist propaganda. After all, in the truest form of Communism, individualism is seen as antiquated and selfish; rather, the individual belongs to each other. (Note that I am referencing Marx’s form of Communism, in which the terminus of historical evolution results in the withering of the state, and not its more historical totalitarian manifestations.) In such a utopia, the individual’s body doesn't truly belong to the self, but to everyone.

 If so, this insidious form of brainwashing is an outrage, and has no place on sites accessible in America, and warrants the formation of a national firewall. How else can we safeguard our liberty and proud tradition of sexual repression than by employing a national internet censor?

 But just as I was about to call my congresswoman, another thought occurred to me. On the contrary, it might in fact a subtle critique of the Communist party. Historically, and across cultural bounds, totalitarian Communism has been characterized by strong restrictions on individual conduct, going as far as to enforce a moral code. What better way to protest than with public displays of affection – already censured near areas like the Forbidden Palace? *insert picture here of two women making out at said location behind the back of a guard*

Would Tank Man have been more effective if, instead of shopping bags, he had been holding the ample bosoms of fellow protesters? The tank driver might have joined them, and history as we know it would be different.

Yet perhaps I am being too pedestrian, and not giving enough credence to a more universal message. Could it be that the game company is trying to encourage the individual to achieve self-actualization?

Shouldn't we seek to unshackle ourselves from societal norms that reinforce negative self-image, borne in a desire to control population and social mobility, a desire made impotent by the availability of inexpensive prophylactics and topical creams?

 How much misery have we visited on ourselves, and upon other people, by denying the universal and natural desire to have sex with hundreds of people in a public place?

This, THIS explanation was the most satisfying. And it was then that I resolved to be part of the vanguard of this revolution. I have shed my clothes, and my cloak of shame, and am prepared to frolic in the streets, bringing to others, and myself, the emancipation of self.

And I owe it all to an advertisement.

I deserve an orgy TODAY. And so do you, dear reader. So do you. So let's go forth and orgiate.

As Mr. Rogers once said, “It's time for make-believe with Mr. McFeely.”

*Evidently I'm a bit too forward thinking for the LA County Sheriff's Deputies. Would someone please bring a $10,000 bail bond to the local jailhouse?

**Yes, I used my one phone call to update my blog. Besides, I found something that might invalidate my previous analysis. This was also on the R2games site.

Maybe a subsequent analysis will explore the orgy connection with resurgent right-wing extremism in Northern Europe. Perhaps I'll ask the nice Nordic gentleman that shares a cell with me.