Please join "If 1,000,000 people join this group, it will have 1,000,000 people in it".

My fellow e-mericans,

Not long ago, I made a digital campaign for a position I had no intention of filling at a time past the point of eligible candidacy. Then, as now, I promise that my lack of legitimate credentials or redeemable qualities will not stop me from appealing to you, the noble, vacillating, marginally hygienic masses to join me in the greatest cause since our valiant but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to ban the mentioning of Heidi Montag from the California public school curriculum.

The time has come for us to stand and be counted in a cause that is distinguished by its lack of distinction, a point made by its pointlessness, a righteous cause made so by its righteousnesslessness. We of the Facebook group, If 1,000,000 people join this group, it will have 1,000,000 people in it feel that the obvious has been lost from the public discourse. We mourn the corruption of the mass media, which supplants the vacuously true by the perniciously plausible. We defy the academic eggheads that promote the theoretical over the tautological.

By definition, it has been, and always will be, our right as e-mericans to state the obvious, as loudly as we can, using as many email addresses as we will, on all forms of electronic communication. In the spirit of our citizens, consisting of everyone that offers useless but undisputed advice, I appeal to you, my self-referentially incoherent (1) brethren, to shed the chains of logic and development and embrace the only truths left us in our modern era: that truth IS truth. In a time of economic, political, and personal uncertainty, isn’t it nice to know that there is something we can be certain about?

I do not not believe many things. One thing I do believe is that I believe you believe your beliefs are believable, and believing that, believe that I believe what I believe is believable. So believing, I believe you believe that believing in this belief is a worthy belief if worthy belief is defined as what I believe to believe.

So believe!

Please join this group, and bring our great people one step closer to incredibility.

Ryan

(1) TM Professor Rich "Guam" Amesbury, Hum 1: The Philosophy of Religion, Harvey Mudd College