Sharing a secret - hopefully funny, likely creepy, and definitely weird

Breaking News: I’m an odd guy.

I’m about to share a secret I’ve never told a soul. But it illustrates a quirk that, I suspect, is either quite common, or will certify me as completely insane.

Once upon a time, I was part of a performing church dance group called Inochi. I participated for much of my childhood until about fifth grade. It was filled with tons of wonderful, intelligent, and attractive teenagers and twentysomethings that I admired.


For a completely unknown reason, whenever I saw one young woman in her early 20s, I always thought the following phrase: "fucking (her last name)".

To clarify, “fucking” in this case was used as an adjective and an insult, not a verb with possibly somewhat flattering connotations.

I have no idea why I thought this. She was sweet and kind, and not particularly striking either in appearance or personality. I wasn’t jealous of her, and she was well regarded by everyone. I tried to not think about it when I met her, but that of course only meant that it came up even more frequently.

I'll also emphasize that I wasn't a kid that swore a lot - in fact, in third grade, I believed that if I said three bad words, I'd go to Hell.

This kind of bizarre association happened one other time.

At some point in my K-12 education (after hitting puberty), I met a very, very attractive classmate. We weren’t close, but she was friendly and gorgeous then, and has only gotten more attractive with time. (She could easily be a model.)

But here, again, my screwy mind ruined it.

For whatever reason, whenever I saw her, I immediately thought of rotting cottage cheese.

Why the fuck I associated a gorgeous girl with that, I have no idea. Maybe she smelled a bit one day, though I can not remember that ever being the case. Maybe I stunk the day I met her. Maybe it was my subconscious telling me that I was lactose intolerant. Maybe I felt that she was somehow unattainable and therefore subconsciously needed to be associated with a godawful image. (But if the last one were true, then I’d need to figure out why I did that with her, and not other attractive women with whom I was more – or less – closely acquainted.)

I REALLY want to find out from others whether they have their own experiences with bizarre associations that added a level of complexity. Please respond, anonymously if need be, with your stories. If no one else has it, then I’ll have to check out a copy of the DSM-IV and label myself – again.