Giving up Facebook, at least for Lent

Although it's unclear how religious I am nowadays, Lent has always been a good opportunity to give up something that has two properties: (1) I like a lot, and (2) may not be contributing to my long-term well-being.

I depend on Facebook, perhaps far more than most of my friends (real and virtual). That's because I work from home, and, quite frankly, I don't get out much. In fact, I've recently been diagnosed with social anxiety. I never thought of myself this way - more awkward and self-conscious than full-blown DSM IV - but it fits. Those who know me well know that I love public speaking, but find it difficult to pick up the phone and call a friend for a favor, to schedule a dinner, for emotional support, or for nothing in particular. in conversation with my therapist, I've decided I need to call people less. Messaging online, or posting something and waiting for likes (pathetic, I know) just isn't cutting it.

I don't know what will happen. Like I said, I'm pretty heavily dependent upon Facebook for most of my social interaction. I am worried that I might conclude that a stunted social life is better than none at all - but I'm also supposed to work on catastrophizing (as in avoiding the thought process).

Not funny, I know. Probably oversharing. But it's a step. I'm sorry I will miss some important life events. I'm sorry I will lose touch with some people who, whether they know it or not, I appreciate for their shares, their insight, and their humor.

If this seems overly dramatic, and even a bit odd - I am posting this, after all, on Facebook - it's because you don't know how critical it is for me to feel connected, some how, some way, to the people I appreciate from my past. It's not like losing a friend - it's like losing several. It feels as if I am voluntarily stepping across the boundary between dying and dead relationships. Again, as absurd as it may seem, it is a genuine feeling.

I might not come back. I have mixed feelings about virtual friendships in general, and Facebook in particular. Perhaps I'll be content to let the chips fall where they may, work on the relationships I can, and accept those that fade away.

So here's to the future, and to greater productivity and deeper relationships. If I call you during this time - and there's no guarantee that my social phobia will improve in this regard - it's not because I'm desperate, or in great distress. It's because I'm making a small step toward being a better person, and hopefully a better friend. If I don't, then I encourage you to call me, should you feel neglected or curious. And if you get married, divorced, fall into or out of love or a job, or just want to chat for a bit, I'll be here. Just not "here".

Goodbye, for now.